--- Warning ---
*If you are easily offended, please do not read this entry*
And while I'm trying to study math, I pretty much immersed myself into my dreamy wonderland again.
One day, I was bored, I was looking up the cd/dvd drawer, and see what movies my mum had.
While I was only 130cm tall and weight less than 70lb, that number of
cd and
dvd on the drawer was pretty astonishing to me, I'm still proud of it.
Seriously, I'm sure there were at LEAST 1000+ cd/dvd in that drawer.
Tarzan? meh, watched billion times already.
Hercules? One of the favourites, but let me watch something else.
The Mask? err, Jim is funny, but the mask is sickening: green face and super white teeth, eww...
Star Wars? hmm, never liked it.
Homework? (Real one) ahh, fuck it.
Chinese movies? You know...
Jurassic Park? Never watched, sounds cool, but dun wanna watch it right now, I'll watch it later.
Among all these movies, I found this:
At the time, computer was my everything, no friends, no pet, no joyce.
I've seen the term "artificial intellence" several times on the internet, but I didn't really do research on it.
Out of curiosity, I popped the
DVD in.
I am not going to describe the movie or narrate it or anything.
I just wanna say, from this movie, I learned a lot.
I wish people, at least my close friends, could appreciate this movie like I do.
Why am I saying this?
After I watched that movie, I asked my schoolmates in Hong Kong whether they like it or not.
Surprisingly, the answers I received were: boring, stupid, waste of time. (From now on, BSW)
Nevermind, I never valued these people's thinking.
However, I asked several people in CIC after I arrive to Canada.
Surprisingly x 2, the answers I received were BSW.
I thought, people who could come to Canada should be "better", if you know what I mean.
Why was that boring, stupid, waste of time?
Is it because their English was not good enough?
Or is it just because they were just too good to appreciate this "stupid" movie?
I was confused.
Apparantly, it is good to have someone to have same opinion with you.
And maybe you think, because they do not like the movie you like, then I disgrace tham.
Am I? I do not know, but this is my blog and I want to record what I think here.
Surprisingly x 3, some of those who had higher score than me, (which I thought they were more "intelligent" than me) gave me the answers BSW.
How to start?
Science is for survival,
while art makes life worthy to live.
For those the "intelligent" people, they could not appreciate this art, let me summerize this situation: These people are too smart to live.
I, frankly, am not a good student; I don't go to lectures, I am typing this entry instead of studying for the exams in one and two days later. May I say, what makes me better than them is, I appreciate this movie while they do not.
For me, or people like me, then us, let me make another conclusion: We are qualified to live.
Arrogant, am I?
They appreciate science, but do not, or cannot, appreciate art, it makes them worthless.
Just like those people who have no dreams and goals, like the living zombies.
I have nothing left but disdain to these people.
Q.Why am I so fussy about this little thing?
A.Well, I frequently immersed myself into something subconsciously, this is just how I am, can't complain much :S.
And it was just something I was just thinking, advice: do not pay too much attention on it.
Q.What made me immerse myself?
A. :S subconsciously? Or maybe because I'm studying math now? and while I was looking up cd/dvd drawer, I was doin maths problems too... lol
As my grandma was having a speech how amazing all cells work and how they related to each other in an high elf lecture hall, 4 elite orcs intruded our land killing our people.
The blood of high elves spilled; like everyone else in the lecture hall, they and I were trying to fight back but seemed like we couldn't stand a chance; it was a slaughter.
--- ---
who am I actually? I don't really know. In my memory, I wasn't conscious for awhile, and then I woke up in this high elf land. I felt like people don't really like me much, grandma was the only person I chatted much with...
--- ---
I've learned how to blink and how to manipulate with bows and arrows that I've never seen before in this high elf land. And just another description, in this place, there are many floating lands in the air. Even though blinking is high elves’ excellence, I don’t think we had a huge advantage cuz seemed like the four orcs knew how to blink too. But for some reasons, I mastered this skill and could blink without any cool down, I guess this is the main reason how I could survive for awhile.
I blinked onto a floating land, aimed one of the orc mage. An arrow was shot, she was hurt, but when I was trying to shoot another arrow, an orc pinched my neck at my back and knocked me out, I fell unconscious again.
--- ---
When I woke up, I'm in a human castle. No one was in the room.
Suddenly the image of being pinched appeared in my mind. I tried to feel the wound on my neck and touched it slightly. “Ouch!” It hurts! My hand was bounced away due to some biological reflection reasons, and the wound shined. A book dropped onto my hand from the air. “!?” I opened it and tried to read it, I had no clue what it was all about, I didn't even know how to read the words. Oh, but wait, there is a line I could understand; it said "say the following words" “Ah?” I was confused, but still, I followed the instruction. The words were arduous to pronounce! After several tries, an orc genie came out from the book.
"Ouah! What's this book about!?" I asked her.
"CAN'T YOU READ?" She shouted at me.
Before I was trying to shout back that I couldn't, I read the book again, but now I can understand the words.
"Sorry, but I couldn't understand them..." I told her.
"But now you can." she said it with a smile then disappeared.
--- ---
So, this is a book of orcish magic. But why?
Skirmish Curse, Berserke, any orcish magic, you name it, it has it.
How to cast the spell? How it works? What and when to use? All the related information was there.
But, still, why? I still don't understand. Why I now possess such a mysterious book?
After I read the entire book, I fairly liked it. I always want to learn more things, and this time, if I have time to practice, then I could be a miraculous mage!
I hesitated when I was reading the very last page it stated "You are now an orcish mage, you have to respect your identity and be obedient to the Hored."
What what what!? I don't want to be an orc? And they are all "depraving spells" in the definition in high elf education.
But I had a kind of desire forcing me to read the book again.
I wanted to learn more but I was afraid that I turned deprave, still, I read the book.
I felt like my inside was changing, I tried to summon the genie but she wouldn't come out!
My skin is turning green. No, I don't want to be an orc, I don't want to...
--- ---
I touched my neck again, wanted to see if I could return back to normal or not but no, except for the spell book disappeared, nothing else happened.
I bashed the door and ran out, crashed on anything in my way until I bashed myself against a wall at the dead end. I tried to calm down; I breathe, deeply, and more deeply...
My skin turned back to normal colour.
I don't know when I'll be out of control again, I think it is better to seek an archimage as soon as possible.
I explored the castle, and here he is, Anotony the Great Archimage.
"The great archimage, may I know why am I here?" I asked.
“My boy, everything happens for a reason.”
“I know I know...” I sighed “But you should know that is not the answer I want right…”
"Well well well... When the elite orcs were slaughtering, I saw you devoted yourself protecting your people and you almost killed one of them. I was very impressed that a little human like you could stand against 4 elite orcs like this, so after you were knocked out, before they do anything to you, I teleported you to here, and then; Are you alright now?"
What!? I'm a human? I thought I was a high elf... Well, I fought the orcs was just because I wanted to see how good or bad my fighting skills were… If I didn't fight at that time, I probably couldn't ever fight again. But "Yeah, I'm good, thank you so much." I answered.
"Oh, The Great Archimage," I continued, "may i know something more about the 'depraving magic'?" I asked.
"We human don't know much about them, but all I know is that if you stepped into this, then it'll be hard for you to come out, your desire would destroy you. Why are you interesed?" He explained.
"Hmm..." I was trying to make another story, not gonna tell him I possess this orcish book. "In the battle, I saw the orcish mage cast an astonish spell. I was so curious and so I imitated her, and I casted some weird spell, but it is not what she casted, but for sure I casted something, but..." I was so excited, for I don't know what reason. "But we all know these kind of magic are "depraving spells", will I be affected? or... I don't know..." I started to worry about that again.
"You still look good young child, but if what you said was true, then... maybe you can try to join the silver hand knights, let's see if the light magic could eradicate the "depraving element" inside you or not. Go to the town, where people have supper, there is a big red gate, you can have your dinner first then go in, there will be a royal knight recruit meeing. There will be 13 kids, they are the strongest kid in our country. But as what I saw in the high elf place, I am sure you are no worse than they are. I'll sign you up with my name before you reach there, go now young boy."
"The Great Archimage, I don't know how to thank you."
"Not at all, I'm glad to have a young boy like you to help us to be stronger, let me teleport you out the castle."
--- ---
So here I am, the royal knight meeting.
"Welcome, our knights, you 14 young lads are the best of the best among the rest of the kids. Actually I don't have much to say, there is your armor. One thing to remember, once you're a knight, your armor will be with you forever. This is our symbol, be proud of it! You are not permited to take it off unless you are sleeping in a safe place. The armor MUST BE ON YOU all the time."
And so he explained how to wear the armor and how it works.
When he was explaining, I looked around. There were two boys linked together, they were like can't be separated, hmm interested; and I was surprised that there were actually few girls here.
I wore my armor, hmm, perfect fit, it feels good, but just a little bit too tight.
"Everyone's all set? We have no time left, let's start our first lesson."
--- ---
It was a lesson about wilderness survival. Yes, my favorite subject, biology.
We learned how different insect/snakes/birds behave, what will they do when they encounter what.
What we can do with this, always take advantages from the wilderness.
Although this is astrociously disgusting, but still, I finished our first lesson.
After the lesson, we were trained to march, and then we marched around the town.
That is how we ended the day.
--- ---
And so on, I learned something new from these royal knight lessons.
Holy spells, healing, sword fight, commanding, I became a better knight.
But one thing, in this group of knights, them 13 seems like don't like me much. We rarely talk except for necessary...
What is wrong with them, or, what is wrong with me!?
I don't know...
--- ---
5 years already, this is the day of ceremony for me to become a real knight.
After I left my room, leaving the castle, I walked passed Antony's library, I saw Antony the Archimage was fighting against an orc.
The last time I saw Antony was 5 years ago. I immersed myself with such memories.
"HeHeeHeeeHeeee" Antony's Unicorn moaned and fell down, it woke me up from the past.
What was I doing!? I was thinking about the past while he was encountering enemy. And I called myself a knight.
I took out my sword, and dashed to the orc, gave him a slash.
"Hey young boy." Antony said his greeting weakly on the ground and then fell unconscious.
"Hey there." I said my greeting.
"Oh, are you that little high elf I pinched on? Now you're a human knight eh?" The orc talked to me.
"w..what? You were the orc behind me on the day? Why did you pinch me, and, what did that pinch do to me!?"
"Our farseer told me to do this, i have no idea why and how it works, I'm just a fighter who do my job." He answered and attacked me.
We were fighting for awhile. Eventually, as I was more agitated by the fight, my skin color turned a little bit greenish, but not a very obvious change.
When his axe hit my sword, the sword was loosen from my hand and fell onto the ground. He was going to give me another slash, I subconsciously casted an orcish spell.
"What!? You're an orc!?" and then he was bounced away for about twenty metres.
I looked at my hand, my skin color turned a little bit more darker, but not green, but purple-blue.
"What is going on again!" I self-said.
--- ---
I was looking at Antony and that orc, they are both unconscious now. I didin't know what I could do, I have to go to the ceremony but, I couldn't leave Antony here. So I guess I should triy to carry him back to his resting room. I put him up onto my shoulder, but a big big very prodigious tree appeared in my mind, I felt like it was a real tree growing in my head, and my brain was pushed against the skull, my head ached agonizedly, I lost all my strength and Antony fell onto the ground.
"Stop being something you are not! Come! While there are no people here, I'll open the gate to you! Just this one time! Come, faster!" The tree said. After that, my head stopped aching.
Antony's library was suddenly covered by ivy and abundant of soft, wet, warm grass was grew on the floor of the library. A tree grew up to about two metre tall and a gate grew inside the tree, some flowers implied to to get inside.
My purple-blue skin radiated, the tree in my brain spoke again "Yes, you are a night elf actually."
"W..what!? A night elf!? Who am I!?" I asked the tree. I'm getting crazy already, as what i knew, I was a high elf, and then human, and then orc, and now a night elf!?
The wet, warm, soft grass on the ground calmed me down, it was very comfortable walking on this. The atmosphere is so moisture and warm. I was lightened, like, I was in the ocean, with warm water.
I walked in, and the gate was closed. Well, I didn't wanted to leave this place anyway, it was so very cozy here.
--- ---
Some sea horses, some swordfish, some starfish, swimming around.
"Do you want a drink?" A merchant asked me.
"Yes please?" I took a drink from him, and... ahh, it's the best drink I've ever drink.
"It cost 28 cents" He said.
I was a little bit annoyed when he said that while I was enjoying the drink, but anyway, here you go.
My armor was loosened and, well, I don't care already.
Eventually, I fell sleep, in such a comforting place.
--- ---
When I woke up, my skin turned back to light yellow.
What just happened? I don't really remember.
Another question, where am I now?
The buildings looked so different from human's buildings.
A little red ball was threw out from a red tent-like building, fell onto the ground, rolling to me. A little orc kid with red clothes ran out, trying to catch the rolling ball.
I picked up the ball, and threw it back to that orc kid. He caught the ball and sneaked back to his house.
So I think I should be in an orc town.
--- ---
A sound of marching? I tried to seek where's the sound come from.
Oh... they are the royal knights...
I ran toward them, said "Hello?"
The two-linked-brother said "uh oh, see who's there", continue marching.
My first lesson teacher, who is just another knight in thie marching group, "you are busted."
The commander shouted "Why are you guys talking!"
"He's here, that Antony's baby is here! Sir!" The two-linked-brother shouted.
"Yes, the one who skipped the ceremony 2 years ago is here, Sir!" My first lesson's teacher shouted.
W..what? 2 years already?
"Hey, hey you." The commander called me. "You're in armor, you are a knight, but you are not in our group, what does that mean?"
"I... I don't know what you are talking about... sir..." I replied.
"You are irresponsible, are you not qualified to be a knight anymore, give me back the armor and get lost." He commanded.
"But..."
"GIVE ME THE ARMOR AND SWORD!" He commanded again.
"Sir, give me one more chance, I'll do anything, I can prove myself worthy..." I begged. Even thought I've experienced some unbelievable things, but I had no clue what was going on. I dunno how Antony is now, nothing gave me the faith that I still have a big journey to go. To continue being a knight is the only thing I am sure can depend onto. That is why I begged.
"GIVE ME THE..."
"ANYTHING! I CAN DO ANYTHING" I stopped him and shouted.
"Alright... I know I should not do this, cuz this is not allowed, but..." He said softly, and then with a strong voice again, "You, unproven knight, listen to me! Bring me 7 tails out of 9 from the 9-head dragon that is living around the east mountain cliff, prove to me that you are still a worthy knight!"
"Yes sir! Is there a time limit?"
"As long as you can bring me 7 tails, you're in the silverhand!"
"Yes Sir!"
"How much I wish I can get high marks like you..." People whined.
What... why people always think like that, I didn't get high marks...
Seriously, I'm the worst among my best friends?
Cath? Henry? Bryan?
By comparison, I'm way worse in my very own opinion.
In the very last second of my physics multiple-choice exam, I almost kicked the person sitting in front of me. I lost 6 marks because I misread perpendicular as parallel, and I realized that at the very last second... I received my physics mark today, 3 mistakes, out of 15. Stupid ones?
I was so so pissed.
More pissed? when i receive my chemistry.
I expected I could get 90 something, but what did I get?
71.6, this number is burnt into my brain.
20 marks of stupid mistakes
maybe someone can accept that, but I'm no someone
I cannot accept that I made so many freaking mistakes
More irritatingly, all my chemistry labs/quizzes were screwed.
I hate chemistry, I really hate it.
My eyes are red now.
Maybe you'd ask, why do I so care about this?
Nevermind.
I was born in a place I don't like
I saw scums and met savages
As I grew up, hatred was formed
and I swear, I'm not going to be one of them and I will earn myself a splendid life.
Eventually, I realized, knowledge is a one big step for me reach my goal.
Someone, said, no matter how much I know, I'm still useless.
Someone, said, I'm worthless
Someone, said, I can't give a fuck
And the thing pissing me off is that, they are the worthless ones, they are the ones not qualified to give a fuck.
These people, one day, will be mutilated, by me.
Maybe few years later when I read this entry, I would think I'm immature?
But for now, I surely hate those fuckers.
Besides, I have my own desire.
Desire of not losing.
I hate losing, I hate when I lose.
Now, I am not in Berkeley nor Stanford.
And I can't even get my desire marks in this university!
Now, I'm still feeble and not qualified.
If this continue, how can I prove I'm worthy, how can I take this revenge?
When someone says "What the fuck you're complaining about, you have such a high average."
I have nothing but disdain on you, I'm sorry but I have to say.
If I have to describe myself, I would say, feeble, too feeble.
I am not strong physically?
If I'm not a little bit better on something else then I will be fouled very soon.
That is why, no matter what, I have to be stronger, have to be.
5 out of 10 in chemistry!?
WHAAAAAAAAAAT!?
DAMN THE STUPID TEST!
I HATE ONLINE TEST!!!
Reasons I hate online test:
1) No part marks, if you made small small mistake in a long long question, you are fxxked.
2) Input error, the numbers are so packed together, if I mistyped ONE letter in, for example: K2SO3(aq) + H2SO4(aq)-> K2SO4(aq) + SO2(g) + H2O(l). One extra space, you're fxxked; mistype "4" into "3", you're fxxked; miss a thing, you're fxxked.
3) Submitted by misclicking. Pressed enter carelessly? You're fxxked. The mouse went onto the "submit" button? You're fxxked. If you're unlucky enough, misclicked the "submit the test" button? Congratulations!
4) You can't have "different answers" with the same meaning, your answer must be EXACT. for example, you need to type in (5x) instead of (5*x), but you have to type (5*A), not (5A), or you are, oh yeah, fxxked again. Another example, energy can be expressed in many different ways, like Kinetic energy(KE), Potential energy(PE), Heat energy etc. For some certain questions, there are many different way to calculate the value, for example, Energy = KE + PE. If I enter PE + KE? Congraz again.
5) You can't review the test! (Only for chemistry) The reason why I can't is because, THEY GIVE THE SAME TEST EVERY EVERY SEMESTER! They don't want anyone to know what's inside! (Of course i can always copy and paste the questions into my comp and print it out, so the security reason should not be considered as a reason to stop people reviewing their tests!) And more RIDICULOUSLY, I CAN'T KNOW WHAT I DID WRONG! Then how am I supposed to improve myself?
Conclusion, these online tests are atrocious! Why are the "PROFESSORS" SO DUMB!?
and more unforgivably, I got only 5!? 5 for my TEST? Just because some MISCLICKING?
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Crystal was talking about,
Stanford and her first SAT.
some of my memory was summoned.
It was one of my target, my dream? can I say?
I think, the desire is not strong enough,
or,
What?
I wanted to get into it,
I really wanted to,
but what happened?
My mum was talking to me, on phone
while, what was i doing?
playing Dota with dragon, in 108.
Still remember that, I was using Weaver.
wow, long long time ago isn't it
When was that?
Last November I guess?
My mum told me she was going to move away from dad,
they were in a really really bad relationship, a broken family I would say.
and she spent all the money that was supposed to pay for my uni fee on buying a new house.
Oh yeah, what can be worse, few weeks before I took the SAT, you told me this.
"Then... how can I get into Berkeley? or Stanford?"
"Maybe, you better stay in Canada..."
"And I was devoting myself for so long and now you tell me this!?"
"hmm..."
yeah... tears came out from my eyes.
"How about let me move out for the next semester and live in dragon's place?"
"No, that's too dangerous."
"No that's not? Dragon's my best friend here."
"No, he can't take the responsibility if my son is jeopardized whatsoever."
"I know how to take care of myself! And I'm sure we can save money from this?"
"No, I said no!"
DAMN IT!
Even though I know how infinitesimal this amount of money by comparison with the Stanford/Berkeley tuition.
Even though I had the highest score in that dota game,
but I lost my future,
just because my family has no enough freaking money!
pissed, so pissed
really pissed
I hate that feeling, I swear
I hated all the people wasting my mum's money for awhile I admit.
(well, am I one of them?)
I was so mad at my mum and I felt the despondence.
The second time I felt despondent in my life till now.
The first time was my mum banned my from "touching" my computer.
And that was the second time, a faded dream.
She said "You were not supposed to have it! You don't have a thing until you earn it by yourself!"
Yes, she was right, I didn't know how to reply.
All I could blame was, "Then you shouldn't have gave me the hope and now you destroy it!"
And I hate, I do despite, those who don't keep the promise.
And yes, my mum is the person broke the most promise to me.
And now she's mad at me because I have a girlfriend?
screw it,
back to the topic.
I was struggling, I was so mad, I was so pissed, for a long long time.
like, 4 months?
I still remember,
on my 2007 birthday, I made three wishes, one of them was, I want to go to berkeley or stanford!
and on november, my mum told me that, no money to go to university...
on the 2008 count down, I made two wishes, and one of them was, still, I didn't give it up, I want to go to berkeley or stanford.
Well, as time passed, I turned better day by day.
What culminate my thinking of going to stanford/berkeley?
is it because of Joyce? is it? or it's just time?
I forgot, I really forgot.
well, it must be a factor, just forgot it's a major one or minor one.
yeah, then finally, I decided to stay in Canada...
Before November, I took the SAT II, 2150 out of 2400.
After November, I took SAT I, I dun wanna say what's my score already...
so that's my story of not going to US for my uni life, my wish
were those the reasons (no money? Joyce? time? e.t.c.) I got such low mark in SAT I?
or the reasons I decided not to go to Stanford/Berkeley?
or, that's just the excuse for my indolence?
am I being vainglorious?
Well, you judge.
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